One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"
The seating arrangements on a flight put a timid little guy in a window seat next to a big guy who's in the aisle seat. After the plane takes off, the big guy quickly falls asleep. Pretty soon, the little guy starts to get airsick, but he is afraid to wake up the big guy so he can get to the restroom. Before he gets a chance to make up his mind, his stomach makes it up for him, and he suddenly barfs all over the big guy. He is horrified and immediately begins to worry about what the big guy will do to him when he wakes up. The terrible smell wakes the big guy, and he opens his eyes to find himself covered in vomit. The little guy pats him on the shoulder and says, "Sir, are you feeling better now?"